Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
