I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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