Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
