totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
