my mouth tastes like poor choices
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
