I wanna bring you to show and tell
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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