how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in itâ€
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