No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
