This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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