His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
