Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
