i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
