Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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