The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
