my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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