ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i think i have two assholes
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She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
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2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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