She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
