I am puke
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
