I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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