Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
