The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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