i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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