he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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