My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
