Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
now i know why i became what i already was.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize