wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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