I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
