So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
