i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
