She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
