She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
