Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my shit smells like andre
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
