I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
