How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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