When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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