I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
