Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
