craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
