I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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