Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
