D3 body, D1 cock
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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