We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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