there was a trapeze. enough said
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
