I wish I could teleport
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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