Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
