put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Randomize
