I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
