You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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