I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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