she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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