I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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