Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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