Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
