She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
