just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
