I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
