Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
