coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize