thus making me awesome and them whores
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
