beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
