Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
