his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
