You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
