Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
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He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
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He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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