I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
only you would photoshop your dick
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
