And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
