well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
high people should be assigned attendants
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
