ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
