we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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