"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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