Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
